


The Other Side of the Dome

by sameold_sameold



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dystopia, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Indirect drug-use?, Multi, Obnoxious Capitalization, Post-Apocalypse, desolate wasteland, there is sort of a communal drug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-13
Updated: 2019-07-09
Packaged: 2019-07-11 22:21:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 18,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15981716
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sameold_sameold/pseuds/sameold_sameold
Summary: In a dystopian community, under a protective dome, lives Alexander Hamilton and his husband, Thomas Jefferson. Their lives are as perfect as can be. In fact, not only their lives are perfect. Everyone's lives are perfect, and it's all thanks to the Drug. The Drug everyone takes under direction of the Makers - the creator of their perfect little Society. The Makers take care of them. The Drug makes them perfect.When Alexander doesn't take his daily dose of perfect, he realizes that not everything in his live is as wonderful as it seems. In fact, everything is kind of wrong. Paranoid and afraid, he takes off, suspicious of the Makers. And what is it about the war his mind keeps mentioning?Outside the Dome, nothing is the same. There is figuratively nothing. Alexander teams up with a group of rogue survivors in order to, well, survive, but what will he do without his husband? What about the cute freckled boy in the group that Alexander just can't help but fall for? And how is he going to keep the Makers from finding him again?





	1. Chapter 1

Alexander remembered this.

It was the same illness that killed his mother all those years ago. He recognized it. She couldn’t get out of bed. Slept all day. Had a concerningly high fever. Couldn’t eat. She died within the week. Alexander was terrified. He didn’t want to die. 

Thomas, bless him, stayed with him the entire time. Sometimes talking, sometimes not. Sometimes touching, sometimes not. He’s thankful for the company. With Thomas, things are at once quieter, and not as quiet. His thoughts don’t overtake him, and the rest of the room isn’t deathly quiet. Isn’t  _ too _ quiet. 

Thomas isn’t there now, though. He’s gone to the kitchen to find more crackers. He says they’ll help settle his stomach, and so far, they’re the only thing Alexander can eat without throwing up. A steady diet of crackers and water - he’s lost too much weight these past few days. 

The thought is abrupt and Alexander’s brow furrows. Weight has never been a worry or a problem before. They were fed well, everyone was. They were taken care of. So what is this? Alexander’s hands ghost over his stomach, his hips and his ribs. They’re all bones, angled and sharp and unhealthy. He frowned. He hasn’t been angled and sharp in a long, long time. Thomas took care of him especially well. He made sure Alexander ate. Always joked he liked a man with meat on his bones. Alexander gripped at his hip, but his fingers tightened around nothing. There was no meat there. 

Thomas came back into the room at this point, smiled at his husband cheerfully. He was holding a plastic plate in one hand and a glass of water in the other, and set both these things down on the nightstand as he sat beside the bed in the chair he’d set there when this sickness first began tearing out Alexander’s insides. “Brought cheese this time, thought maybe we’d try it. And the Makers sent us medicine, see?” Thomas lifted the plate to show Alexander the two white pills on the side. 

This made Alexander think of the Drug and he twisted his face up. He hadn’t taken it this morning. This might be where this thoughts were coming from, he realized. He hadn’t never taken the Drug, so maybe there was a correlation between the two. It canceled out bad thoughts? That didn’t seem so bad. Now that he thought about it.. His mind seemed to be screaming at him to not take the Drug, or the medicine Thomas was holding up. His eyes narrowed, and Thomas looked at him a little lost. 

“Alexander? Darling, what’s wrong?” Thomas’s hand instinctively went to the pail beside the bed, which had been stationed there for days now, being put to use regularly. Alexander shook his head. He didn’t need it, he needed.. He didn’t know what he needed exactly. Answers, maybe. 

“No, I’m okay. Can I, um, not take the medicine? I don’t want to chance throwing it back up. Would be a.. A waste of what the Makers gave us,” he said instead, smiling a bit shakily, hoping it was a good enough performance for his husband, who thankfully nodded sympathetically.

“Of course. Let’s see how your stomach takes the cheese and crackers first, then decide if you can take the medicine or not.” He set the plate on Alexander’s lap, and kissed his forehead sweetly. Alexander had to admit to himself that nothing looked less appealing than the food did at that moment. He wanted to throw up at the sight and smell of it. But that wouldn’t do. He wanted to get better. Needed to get better, so he sucked it up and picked up a cracker, taking a small nibble before adding a square of cheese and arranging it neatly on the cracker. He took a small bite and looked up at Thomas as he chewed, making sure to chew well so it wouldn’t be chunky if it came back up. That would be a nightmare. Alexander shuddered. Gross. 

Thomas stroked Alexander’s hair while he ate, and Alexander enjoyed the affection. The food, thankfully, was staying down for the moment, so he ate most of it and gave the plate back to Thomas, who handed him the water glass next. Alexander had a couple sips before putting the cup down and turning to Thomas. 

“I think something’s wrong,” he started, fiddling nervously with the edge of the quilt on their bed. It was a boring grey color, but he supposed it was better than the purple Thomas was obsessed with. The very color of the shirt he was wrapped in at that very moment. 

“What? Are you feeling sick again?” Thomas’s face was concerned, highly worried, and Alexander realized for the millionth time that day how much Thomas really loved him. 

“No, that’s not it. I feel fine, I promise. It’s, um, more about the Drug?” 

“Oh, you didn’t take it this morning, did you? You were sleeping, I remember. Do you want it now?” Thomas moved to stand, but Alexander stopped him quickly. 

“No! Um, I didn’t take it, but that’s not the problem. It’s the cause of the problem, I guess.” Alexander looked down at his fingers nervously. “Um, I noticed that things are weird. Like, wrong. Everything’s dark and sad and dull and I don’t like it but at the same time, it’s like… it’s like it’s right. Everything sort of fits into place now.” 

Alexander half expected Thomas to burst out laughing, or to dismiss him swiftly as sick and delusional, but his love just sat and listened, watching Alexander closely and seriously. He looked back up at Thomas. “I think it’s the Drug. Maybe something put something in it, or someone’s planning to attack the Community,” he finished in a hushed whisper. He couldn’t think of anything worse. The Community was his home, his family, his everything. They were safe inside the Dome, with each other and with the Makers to protect them and take care of them. If the Dome was attacked, and everything was destroyed, what would happen to them? What would happen to him and Thomas? 

“I don’t think anyone is planning something, my dear.” Thomas’s voice broke him out of his reverie, and he looked up at the man, a bit lost. “I’d be happy to look into it for you if it would help you feel better,” he offered, and Alexander nodded. Thomas worked in the factory where the Drug was made, and could find out if something was wrong if Alexander wanted. He’d be happy to, for Alexander. 

“Yes. Thank you.” Alexander leaned up for a kiss but Thomas deflected it to his cheek, smiling slyly. 

“I told you, sweetheart,” he started, “no kisses ‘til you’re better. We can’t both be sick in bed, of course.” 

Alexander sighed dramatically and slid down, nestling into the covers and looking up at Thomas with a little smile. “If I don’t throw this up by the time I wake up, then I’ll take the medicine, okay?” 

“Deal. Do you want the Drug too, for when you wake up?” 

Alexander shook his head. He had no intention of taking the Drug until he knew what was up with it. Thomas looked a little conflicted at the refusal but didn’t say anything in response. He just nodded, kissed Alexander’s forehead, and left him to sleep. 

 

Thomas found nothing. Alexander had been feeling better for a while now, and Thomas had gone back to work and everything was alright. Alexander hadn’t yet gotten back on the Drug, and while he seemed not to have a problem with it while awake, his sleeping was fitful and he talked, tossed and turned all throughout the night. He whined about a war, about leaving people behind, about sadness and misfortune and death. Thomas’s concern was growing steadily, and he could hardly stand to stay with him through the night. During the day, however, Alexander was fine and dandy, aside from the dimmer light in his eyes when he smiled. Thomas couldn’t help be happy - the Drug, he supposed, was just doing its job - but there was still a strong worry there for his husband which is why he loathed telling him about the lack of information he’d discovered. This conspiracy theory that Alexander had put together was taking over his life, and if it fell flat, Thomas was worried he’d fall just as hard. Thomas almost considered slipping him the Drug, sneaking it into his dinner one evening, but Alexander was perceptive - he’d notice, it was certain. Thomas couldn’t stand to break his trust like that. 

That evening, Thomas set everything up perfect. He requested Alexander’s favorite dish from the Makers, praying to god it would deliver in time. He put the nice tablecloth on the dining room table, even, made sure everything looked pristine, and waited for Alexander to get home. Usually, Alexander was the one to be home, make dinner, wait for Thomas, but Thomas insisted on doing this for him, even left work early. Alexander was shooed out of the house, so he went for a walk, figuring he’d see what the rest of the Community was up to. The calm before the storm, his inner voice piped up, but Alexander shushed it. He didn’t know for sure there’d be a storm at all, he told the voice. 

Thomas didn’t tell him how long to be out for, so he just decided to walk around the neighborhood. When he started to get closer to downtown, with all the shops and the restaurants, he’d turn around and walk back home. It seemed a good plan, he decided. He kept close to the stream that ran along the opposite side of the road to their house, watching for fish that never came. Because of that war, the voice informed him matter-of-factly, and he almost hit his forehead to make it shut up. He caught himself in time - it would look too strange if he was seen hitting himself. He resigned himself to just gritting his teeth hard and swearing mentally, just flat-out cursing the voice, getting it to shut up. It was making him miserable, constantly having to think of that war, the death raging outside their thin, protective walls. It was almost enough to retake the Drug, but if the Community was going to be attacked, he couldn’t chance becoming a statistic. He was more than a number. It was this sentiment Thomas didn’t seem to understand. 

He thought Alexander was making up the war. Which seemed too crazy to Alexander to even think about, but to anyone else it would make sense. Alexander always had a wild imagination, and it would be nothing to come up with an entire war, an entire other world outside the Dome. It frustrated Alexander to pieces but he couldn’t really do much about it without exposing to everyone he was off the Drug, which would result in him being forced to take it and then everything he’d done in the past week, everything he’d discovered and felt would all have been for nothing. He couldn’t chance losing that knowledge. 

He wandered around the area, watching his neighbors, his friends, these poor unsuspecting people, get home and greet their partners and work in the gardens and live their lives, not realizing they might die at any moment. There was James and Dolly Madison, reading and gardening, respectively. Sarah Mulligan greeting her husband at the door with the widest smile anyone could ever imagine. Alexander’s heart hurt at the sight of them, all so happy and innocent and unknowing of what was to come. What was  _ maybe  _ to come, Alexander reminded himself. Nothing was certain. It left him on edge. 

He lifted his hand in a wave to Martha Laurens, forcing a smile onto his lips. He was never good at pretending. He wouldn’t be surprised if it came out as a grimace. As far as he could tell, he was the only one off the Drug, but again, that wouldn’t be surprising either. No one else had any reason to not take their daily dose of happiness. He wondered if anyone other than Thomas would believe him, then realized it was highly unlikely. If Thomas didn’t believe him, no one would. Everyone knew him as a writer. A story-teller, although he never wrote fiction. And he couldn’t very well go around asking everyone, if he wasn’t supposed to be attracting attention to himself. 

He stopped in front of their house. It was small, a one story flat with only one bedroom. It had been chosen specifically for him and Thomas, back when the Community was being sorted and the Society was being organized. It was an ugly, boring brown color on the outside, but they were allowed to redecorate the inside, thank god. The inside matched the outside when they first moved it, all drab and plain, but with Thomas’s eye for color and fashion and Alexander’s good job and large amount of money, they were able to transform it almost entirely. The walls were dark, something Thomas said attracted light to the more pertinent pieces of decor, which made little sense to Alexander, but he did admit, it looked better than the dirty, off-white walls. They didn’t have a garden, neither of them really knew much about plants. Thomas couldn’t keep anything alive for the life of him, and Alexander had no interest in keeping a garden. 

He walked up the stone path to the front door, wondering if they’d ever have a house like this if the Dome was destroyed. He could only hope, it was the best thing that had ever happened to him, living in this house with Thomas. He stepped away from the door, looking at the house. It wasn’t anything especially fancy, but he loved it. Alexander didn’t need fancy things, was perfectly content with what he had. For now, at least. He smiled, looking around the lawn and the steps. Everything seemed right in that moment, except... 

Except there was a little flashing red light in the corner of his eye. He spun, looking for the source. Was it an optical illusion? No, he was sure he hadn’t imagined it. He squinted, looking up at the peak of the roof, above the door. There wasn’t much to see, save for a piece of broken shingle and - What was that? He stepped closer to the door, standing on his toes to try and get closer to the object. A little circle, a blinking light… Alexander’s blood ran cold as he realized what it was.

A camera. 


	2. Chapter 2

Alexander stumbled back, eyeing the device. It was almost unbelievable.. But then it wasn’t. Who would put a camera there? Why? He tried not to look at it as he hurried into the house. There was only one explanation. He slammed the front door closed behind it, falling against it and panting. He couldn’t stay here. He was being watched. 

Thomas came out of the kitchen, holding a spatula, looking every bit the part of a normal, mundane husband. He smiled at Alexander, opened his mouth to greet him, but upon seeing his stance, the look on his face, he paused. “Alexander? Baby, what’s wrong?” He stepped towards Alexander. 

“Don’t- we can’t- I can’t explain it. What if it’s listening?” Alexander said quickly, putting a hand up to stop Thomas from coming any closer. 

Thomas frowned, but stopped moving. “I don’t follow. What if what’s listening?” 

Alexander motioned vaguely, looking around the room. “What if there are others? We have to search. What am I saying? We don’t have time.” 

Thomas followed Alexander to their room, still holding the spatula. “You’re not making sense, darling. Other what? What happened?” 

Alexander turned to Thomas once in the bedroom. “I told you, I can’t say here. I’ll explain it to you once we’re gone, out of here.” He spun and pulled out a duffel bag from the closet, tossing it on the bed and going to the dresser. 

“Gone? Where are we going? We can’t leave the Society.” Thomas looked affronted at the mere idea. “I don’t understand.” 

Alexander sighed, looking at Thomas over his shoulder as he stuffed clothes into the bag. “We’re being watched,” he explained in a hushed whisper. “There’s a camera outside the house. Someone’s watching, Tom.” He managed to shove some of Thomas’s clothes into the bag before Thomas came forward and grabbed his hands. 

“Alexander. No one’s watching. No one’s planning an attack. There’s nothing strange going on at the factory. I looked everywhere. Everything is normal,” Thomas said clearly, looking down at Alexander with a serious look. “No one’s out to get you, baby, I promise.” 

Alexander looked up at Thomas, looking a bit conflicted. Like he wanted to believe him, he wanted to believe him so badly. But.. “But there was a camera. I know there was, I didn’t imagine it. And it wasn’t there before, I know it wasn’t. We have to leave.” 

Thomas looked away, looked outside. “We’re safe here, Alexander. We all are. If we leave, we might die. I can’t lose you like this,” he whispered. 

Alexander snatched his hands away from Thomas, finished packing and zipped up the bag. “I’d rather die than be part of some- some experiment,” he snapped, hauling the bag onto his shoulder with a little grunt. “Are you coming or not?” he demanded, crossing his arms. Thomas’s conflicted look with all the answer he needed. His heart dropped, but he knew he couldn't stay. It would drive him crazy. 

He started towards the door, but Thomas caught his arm. “Alexander, wait. Stop. Are you really going to go out in broad daylight? Where everyone can see you?” He asked quietly. He was wholly against Alexander leaving, but he knew he wasn’t going to change his husband’s mind. The least he could do is make sure he didn’t get himself killed before he even left the Dome. 

Alexander hesitated, but shook his head. Thomas was right. He put the bag down beside the door. “No, I guess not.” 

Thomas led Alexander away from the door. “Right. Eat, have a nap, make sure you have energy for this Great Escape plan you have going on. It won’t do to get caught right away.” He sat Alexander down in his chair and put a plate of food in front of him. 

Alexander’s mouth watered. “Yeah,” he sighed, picking up a fork. He dug in as Thomas sat down next to him with his own plate. He didn’t eat, just ŵatched his husband with a sad sort of look. Alexander paused midbite. “What are you looking at me like that for?” he asked defensively. 

Thomas shrugged. “Don’t want to forget your face,” he explained softly, tilting his head. Alexander sighed, put down his fork. “Thomas, why can’t you just come with me?” 

“I am not interested in living outside the Dome. I don’t know anything about this war you keep talking about. I didn’t find anything at the factory. You’re making it awfully hard to be happy, Alexander.” 

“You don’t  _ need  _ the Drug to be happy, for fuck’s sake! Look at me, I’m perfectly fine!” Alexander snapped, plastering a huge, fake grin on his lips. “I’m happy without the damn pill!” 

Thomas flinched slightly. “Don’t yell, Alexander, please. You know how I feel about the yelling.” 

Alexander was tempted to yell back, just to get his anger out, but he knew Thomas couldn’t stand yelling. And he wasn’t a dick. He took a couple deep breaths, closing his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he said finally, quieter and less angry. “I just.. Don’t understand why any of this is happening. I need to know what’s going on here, Thomas.” 

His husband smiled slightly, reaching out to cup Alexander’s cheek. “That insatiable thirst for knowledge,” he commented. 

Alexander’s laugh was small and wet, but he wasn’t crying. “I don’t want to leave you, Tommy, you know I’d die before leaving you. But I can’t stay here,” he stressed, taking Thomas’s hand and squeezing gently. 

Thomas nodded slowly. “I understand, sort of. I don’t get it completely, but I won’t fight you about it. Just know that I love you more than anything, okay?” Alexander nodded in confirmation and they finished dinner in silence. “I’m going to repack your bag, you have junk you don’t need and you’re not going to survive. Do the dishes, then sleep.” He kissed Alexander’s forehead and shooed him off. 

Alexander grinned. “For someone so against running away, you seem to know an awful lot.” He gathered up the dishes and carried them to the kitchen. 

“Common sense, darling. You don’t need three hairbrushes.” Thomas carried the bag back to the bedroom and repacked it, folding clothes properly. He put together a small bag of toiletries and another of food and water. He sacrificed some of his clothing for the bag, knowing his love would appreciate the reminders. He knew Alexander better than himself, he knew exactly what he’d need. 

 

Once the sun was down and it was past the Community’s curfew, Thomas shook Alexander awake, kneeling over him on the bed. “Alex, darling, it’s time to get up.” 

Alexander groaned and twisted, burying his face into the pillow. 

Thomas smiled. He always did this, every time he was woken up. It was another thing he’d miss about Alexander. “Come on. It’s dark out and pretty soon they’re gonna start patrolling.” He hauled Alexander up. 

Alexander almost wanted to scrap the whole plan just to go back to sleep. But in his mind, he knew Thomas was absolutely right, so he opened his eyes and heaved the heaviest sigh he could manage. Thomas just smiled and kissed Alexander’s forehead. He was used to the morning Alexander, who was mostly angry and childish and whiny. 

“Let’s go, cranky. You have to get dressed.” He handed Alexander a stack of clothes, all dark and comfortable. Nothing tight, but nothing that would get caught on branches. Thomas hadn’t seen the Other Side in forever, no one has, but he would assume it would be overrun with trees and bushes and nature, and if Alexander had to run, he didn’t want him to get stuck on something. Anything to ensure his safety. 

Thomas waited in the kitchen with a mug of coffee for Alexander, staring at the opposite wall. This was it, he realized. He was losing his Alexander. It was his worst nightmare, and yet.. He wasn’t devastated. It wasn’t indifference, but he wasn’t as upset as he always imagined he’d be if he lost Alexander. He felt, he realized with a level of disgust, that there wasn’t much sadness at all. He felt - if not happy - peaceful and calm. 

Alexander came out of the bedroom just then, looking like a vision, even in dark clothes that didn’t really suit him. His darling looked better in brighter clothes, they didn’t drown him out as much. Especially green, he looked dashing in green. Thomas shook his head a bit and smiled at Alexander, holding out the coffee. 

Alexander took the cup, immediately taking a long drink of the warm liquid. He smiled at Thomas a bit when he pulled the cup away, cheeks flushed and hair braided messily. He was gorgeous. It hit him like a bag of bricks how much he would miss seeing his husband every day. 

“Are you ready to go?” Thomas asked quietly. 

Alexander nodded, stepping closer to Thomas. “You could still come with me, Tom. We could just run away together,” he whispered, putting down the mug to cup his husband’s cheeks, looking at him solemnly. Thomas just shook his head, his arms sliding around Alexander. 

“I can’t leave. I’m happy here.”

“It’s a fabricated happiness.” 

“Alexander.” 

“Sorry.”

They smiled at each other, relaxed and familiar. A minute later and they were kissing, clinging to each other like they’d drown if they let go. 

Thomas finally pulled away first, burying his face down into Alexander’s hair, pressing little butterfly kisses to his head. “I’m going to miss you so damn much, honey. I wish you would stay.” 

“I know.” Alexander stroked his hand through Thomas’s mess of curls and smiled a little. He’d miss the soft touch of them against his skin. “I know, but I have to go. I couldn’t stand to stay here anymore.” 

“Will I ever see you again?” 

Alexander pulled back to look Thomas in the eye. “I can only pray to see you again. Maybe one day. Maybe I’ll come save you.” 

This put a smile on the taller man’s face and he kissed Alexander again, only jerking up at the beeping noise outside. “Patrols. You have to go.”

The tone of his voice wrenched Alexander’s chest open and stabbed into his heart. He hated goodbyes. He didn’t want to say goodbye to Thomas.

Thankfully, Thomas understood and just kissed his forehead. “I love you more than the world itself. Keep yourself safe, baby, and never forget about me, okay?” 

Alexander shook his head, sniffling. He wasn’t surprised there were tears pouring down his cheeks. “I couldn’t forget you if I tried, Thomas Jefferson. I love you too.” 

Finally - finally - he pulled out of Thomas’s grip and took a deep breath, wiping his cheeks. Thomas handed him his bag and brushed a bit of his hair back. “You’ll want to go out the back door. There’s a little door right outside the factory leading to the Other Side. Be careful, an alarm will sound without a key, so you have to be quick, okay?” 

Alexander looked at Thomas, a little bewildered. “How do you know this?” 

The taller man just smiled a little. “Working for the Society has its perks, sweetheart. Now go, before I decide to just tie you down so you can’t leave.”

Alexander knew Thomas was joking, so he paused to kiss and hug him once last time. “I love you. I’ll be safe.” Without another word, he was out the door, slipping silently out of their small backyard, mindful of the flowers along the outside of the fence. 

He kept carefully to the dark spots along the roads, keeping out of the glow of the streetlights and pressing against fence lines and walls. He also hunched down, keeping his hood over his head, not wanting his face to be caught on any cameras or tapes or anything that could get him - or get Thomas - in trouble. He made it to the factory with no qualms, and now just had to find the door. There wouldn’t be a handle, that would be too easy to see and get out. Alexander knew how the Society worked. No, he had to find.. Just a shimmer of a line, a non matching pattern, or.. There. A small slit just big enough to insert a card. 

Alexander hurried up to it and glanced around, frowning. How was he supposed to get it open without a card? Obviously there was a way, or Thomas wouldn’t have sent him without a card. He traced the slit, then examined the wall of the Dome around it, pressing and smoothing his palms over it, looking for any sort of disruption in the texture, a dip, a bump, a hole, anything to indicate a door. An opening. 

He let out a soft, audible groan as he found nothing. Nothing. This was hopeless. He stared at the wall, glaring, before noticing something on the ground. Of course, the ground. He fell to his knees, running his fingers along the edge of the wall and the dirt. A tiny little opening. A door! He almost cheered, almost, but managed to catch himself in time, keeping his mouth shut. No noise. No noise or he’d be caught. And he couldn’t be caught. If he got caught, this would all be for nothing. He’d be in big trouble. 

He pressed against the wall above the opening, hoping something would give, but nothing did. He shoved all his weight against it, and still nothing. He tried pulling towards him from the bottom, pushing, lifting, everything, and yet nothing worked. He was just about to start digging when a someone behind him pushed a card into the slit, and shoved him towards the opening that had magically appeared, whispering ‘run’ into his ear. He almost fell, looking behind him, but there was suddenly no one there. The door was closing, and he suddenly, left in the darkness, that he was now on the Other Side with no way to get back in.


	3. Chapter 3

Alexander wandered around for a while. This was his new life, but he had no clue what to do. There was nothing  _ to _ do. 

He was on cloud nine. 

There were trees, real trees, everywhere. He always expected the Other Side to be a barren wasteland, but that wasn’t the case at all. It hadn’t been that long since the war.. Except that it had, it really had. Nature had regrown itself all on its own. It was healthy enough to keep going now. There weren’t many animals, however. The ones that were left were malformed, malnourished, and mostly small. None so far were predators. 

Alexander walked for at least half a day. The sun was hot, when it finally came up, and he was suddenly grateful for the changes of clothes in his bag. The bag Thomas had packed for him. 

His Thomas. He tried not to think of his husband, because it made him sick to think about. He missed him. Not even 24 hours and he wanted to turn back, just to see his face again. Just to be held. Just to be kissed. But still he walked, stopping only to eat a little bit of his packed food - nothing large. He knew he had to make it last at least a while. 

This made him pause as well. What was he going to do when he ran out of food? Of water? The water in the streams he passed looked clean enough, but he didn’t know enough to feel safe drinking it. And he couldn’t fight something. He couldn’t kill an animal for food, he’d never even hurt a spider. What was he supposed to eat? This was all horribly planned out and he was going to die within the week, no doubt. What was he thinking? 

Except, what was the alternative? Be a test subject in a Society no one planned. Have fake happiness shoved down his throat every morning and evening, not being able to barely think for himself? No. At least he got to see the Other Side. Got a small taste of what life should really be like for everyone.

He supposed he should have been paying much better attention, as suddenly he was knocked to the ground by - something, anyway, he couldn’t quite tell what it was. He was a bit busy trying not to let it eat him. It wasn’t that big, but it was surprisingly strong. Or perhaps just desperate for something to eat. 

He was starting to get tired of fighting this thing. It wasn’t letting up, and somehow had a lot more energy than Alexander did. He didn’t want to die, didn’t want to get eaten, but he was tired. He was about to just let go when a spear came flying out of nowhere and caught the thing in the side, knocking it clean off of Alexander, who froze. That was a man-made weapon, which meant there was someone in the vicinity who might decide that he did look like good food. Getting eaten by a person was worse than getting eaten by an animal. 

He closed his eyes, wondering briefly if he could just play dead, but then there was a shadow casted over his face and his curiosity got the best of him. He opened his eyes, squinting slightly at the figure. They were standing against the sun, so Alexander couldn’t make out much, but they were tall, and definitely male, and from the looks of it, definitely strong. 

“Hello down there,” the man said, and Alexander picked up immediately on the french accent to their voice. It was strong, as if he’d come straight from a french country, despite there being no running planes anymore. 

“Hello up there.” Alexander’s own voice was surprisingly clear for someone who felt so exhausted, but he certainly wasn’t complaining. He was rewarded a shining smile and the man extended a hand to help him up, which he took gratefully. He brushed himself off and looked up at him, a bit cautiously. “You’re not gonna kill me now, are you?”

The man laughed, a loud noise. “That depends. Are you a threat to me?” Alexander shook his head with a snort, and he laughed again. “I did not think so, you don’t look very threatening. In fact, you look tired more than anything.” 

Before Alexander could say anything in response, there was another person coming out of the trees, yelling. “Lafayette, you dick, you complete asshole, that was supposed to be  _ my _ kill, we talked about this!” This newcomer hardly seemed to notice Alexander standing there as she stalked by. She yanked the spear out of the animal and pointed it at ‘Lafayette’ for a moment before dropping it back to her side, all the while still talking and complaining and insulting the frenchman in a loud voice that seemed too big for her body.

Alexander glanced up from the small girl to Lafayette, a bit bewildered. The girl was pretty, with light brown skin and a dark, curly mass of hair pulled up into what he supposed could be interpreted as a ponytail. Her yellow tank top was covered in dirt and - was that blood? She was filthy, but she didn’t seem to mind that much, just kept yelling at the foreign man until he cleared his throat, somehow quickly and very effectively shutting her up. 

“Peggy, my dear Peggy. I  _ would  _ have let you killed the beast-” Lafayette started in a slow, amused voice, but the girl cut him off.

“So why didn’t you?” She asked impatiently, her free hand on her hip in an overly sassy manner that Alexander instantly knew fit her attitude.

“Well, I could not chance you accidentally spearing right through this poor, pretty boy’s head, now could I?” Lafayette finished, smirking. “Your aim is not exactly ideal for.. Keeping things alive.” 

Peggy stuck her tongue out at that, letting out a soft “bleh” in Lafayette’s direction before turning to Alexander. “He’s not prettier than me. I’m enough for you.” She smirked and stuck her hand out to Alexander after wiping her palm on her shorts. “No offense. I’m Margarita.” 

He gave her a little confused look. “Like the drink?” 

Peggy laughed and nodded. “Yep. You can call me Peggy, though. Everybody does.” 

He shook her hand gently. “Okay, Peggy. I’m Alexander.” 

Lafayette cleared his throat, gaining their attention. “We should head back to the camp, oui? Would not want the others to worry about us.” 

“Oh, but they wouldn’t worry. You’re with me.” Peggy hit her chest in a tough move, then whined about how it hurt her boob. Alexander decided right then that he liked her.

Lafayette mumbled something about that being the reason they’d worry, smirking. “Alexander, you are welcome to come with us. I am sure mon générale would not mind.” 

“You should come! Everyone would love you!” Peggy’s eyes were bright and cheerful, and Alexander found himself nodding along. 

“Yeah, okay. I guess, not like I have anywhere better to go.” 

 

Alexander didn’t know why he was so surprised at the size of their ‘camp’, but he was. It was huge. He didn’t know how many people were in their group, neither Lafayette nor Peggy really said. In fact, neither really talked to Alexander. Peggy was complaining about having to carry the bag of stuff they’d looted and creatures - animals - they’d killed, including Alexander’s attacker, while Lafayette shushed her or just ignored her while he wrote in a little book, mumbling to himself.

But their camp must’ve been able to hold at least ten people, comfortably. It was well built, with two large tents on either side and three other tents, smaller, all forming a half-circle around a campfire. It was surrounded with trees and bushes and large boulders, perfect for safety, Alexander supposed. The area was bustling with energy as well, with people milling about, some talking, some laughing. Someone pointed out the trio approaching and they cheered. One burly man hurried over to Peggy and took the bag from her, swooping down to kiss her forehead. 

“Hey honey,” the man said in a happy voice, obviously glad to see them return. To Alexander’s surprise, he snatched Lafayette’s book from him until the frenchman looked up, to where he kissed him gently. He looked at Alexander next, hardly seeming to notice when Lafayette grabbed his book back and huffed. “And you even found someone knew. Look, they were productive!” He shouted this last part back to the group, beckoning Alexander to follow. 

“What do you mean by that?” Peggy asked loudly from the table set up by the firepit, where a woman had handed her a jug of water and was warning her not to drink it all. 

“We thought you’d be fucking the whole time!” The man beside Alexander laughed, getting another raspberry from Peggy before he turned to Alexander with a smile. “I’m Hercules.” 

“Alexander.” He smiled back, unable to help it. The man’s bright smile seemed to be contagious. 

“Pleasure to meet you, Alex.” 

Lafayette ducked out of one of the big tents and whistled. “Alexandre. Mon générale would like to see you,” he ordered, and Alexander, after a pat on the shoulder and a good luck from Hercules, went to join him. “Do not worry, yes? Washington is scary, I admit, but as long as you have nothing to hide, you will be fine.” 

And with a second pat, he was alone in the tent. 

Except that he wasn’t alone, not at all. There was a man sitting behind the desk, staring directly at him. He couldn’t help but shrink under the gaze. It was piercing and sharp and it made Alexander want to fall to his knees and apologize despite not actually having done anything.

“Alexander?” 

And his trance was broken. He stood up a little straighter, tilting his head in a nod. “Hamilton. Alexander Hamilton.” 

A slow smile spread across the man’s face. “You are from the Dome.” It was not a question. He was being told where he came from. He nodded. “So, then, Alexander.. How can I ensure you aren’t a spy or someone to take us back?”

Alexander frowned. “Why would the Makers have spies?” He asked slowly. “I mean.. I’m not… I’m not a spy, sir.” 

Washington’s smile did not falter. He looked like he was born to do this, born to interrogate and intimidate. Perhaps he was. Either way, he now understood why Lafayette called him General. “Perhaps not. Perhaps we can all trust you. But how do we know?”

Alexander faltered, but kept his eyes on Washington’s. He couldn’t break eye contact. Eye contact equaled trust, and he needed Washington to trust him. Without trust, there would be no staying, and he needed a place. He needed them. This wasn’t malice, it was survival. Desperation. He didn’t want to be alone in this place anymore. “I promise I am not a spy for the Makers or the Community. I.. don’t really know how to prove it, and for that I apologize, but if there is anything I can do or say to help you believe I speak the truth, please tell me and I will do it in a heartbeat.”

Washington continued to stare at him, smiling like he knew something Alexander didn’t. 

“I trust you, son, but I also have the responsibility of taking care of my group. So here’s what I’ll propose to you. We have a trial period, yes? A week or two. You’re not in, you’re not out. Our plans are not confided in you, but otherwise it will be as if you joined as like normal. At the end of the trial period it will be  _ me _ who decides if you stay. Understand?”

Alexander’s head was almost spinning. A trial period? Well, it was much better than being left behind to die, he’d admit that. “Yes sir. Yes. Understood.” He nodded quickly and tried to suppress his smile, but failed. “I just - thank you. Without Lafayette and Peggy finding me, and now without this, I’d be helpless. Actually, I’d probably be dead,” he admitted, shrugging a little. 

To his surprise, Washington laughed. “Yes, Lafayette did say that they had found one weak man who was having trouble fighting off a werecat.” His tone was amused, and Alexander’s face when dark.

“I am not weak!” he protested, huffing. From outside the tent, another voice - sounding suspiciously like Peggy’s - argued this, and was quickly followed by a loud ‘ow’. 

After a short moment, Lafayette came back in, ignoring the fact that he interrupted their conversation, and leaned over Alexander’s chair. “Can I steal him back now, please, mon Général? Please? You can talk to him later about things. I want to introduce him to everyone.” 

After a lot of begging on the frenchman’s part, Alexander was finally allowed to go, with a reminder of his trial. Almost as soon as he was standing, Lafayette was dragging him out, talking quickly. Once outside he whistled, and despite the complaining and mumbling, everyone started to gather around the table. 

Alexander’s eyes trailed over each and every one of them. There were only two new ones, two women alongside Peggy and Hercules, but Alexander was still in awe. He’d never seen so much diversity in one group.. Thanks to the Makers, and the Society’s rules, everyone had to dress in dull everyday clothes. Brighter, bolder colored were reserved for events and parties. But everyone here was dressed in bright - although in some cases, dirty - clothes, all different colors, some mismatched (Hercules) and some perfectly matching (Lafayette). 

“Alright, everyone. This is Alexander. He’s my stray,” Lafayette announced when everybody had quieted down. 

Alexander scowled at this introduction and easily shoved the laughing frenchman away. It was a moment before he could relax enough to introduce the two women. “Here now, that’s Elizabeth,” the pretty woman with dark hair and dark eyes that contrasted her cheerful blue dress. “Angelica,” the tall, intimidating woman standing beside Peggy. “And you know Hercules and Peggy, of course, and myself.” Lafayette smiled, but it soon dropped as he looked around, heaving an exasperated sigh. “And where is John?” 

Elizabeth spoke up, and Alexander wasn’t surprised how soft her voice was. It fit the rest of her. “In his tent, still. Sulking.” This apparently was the worst possible answer in Lafayette’s mind, if his groan was anything to go by. 

“Well, go get him? I’m introducing Alexander to everybody, and I mean everybody,” he demanded. 

“You want him, go get him. I’ve already argued with him twice this morning,” Elizabeth shot back, shaking her head. “It’s hard enough dragging him out so he can eat, he’d never come out willingly without a good reason.” 

“I’ll go,” Peggy suggested brightly, and shushed Hercules when he tried to interject. “I haven’t seen him since yesterday. And he loves me.” 

Alexander caught Hercules’s eyeroll and wondered what was so wrong about John and why wouldn’t he come out of his tent as Peggy skipped off towards one of the tents. She tapped the side of it and ducked in, and everything was silent for a couple moments until Elizabeth cleared her throat, turning to Alexander with a smile. 

“I’m sorry, Peggy explained to me how they found you, but I tend to tune her out sometimes.” Angelica elbowed her side, earning a laugh from the shorter brunette. “I’m kidding. I just want to hear it from him. You know how Peg stretches her stories sometimes.” 

And so Alexander found himself retelling the tale of how he almost died, with side comments from Lafayette. “It wasn’t anything exciting, but I’m glad they found me or I’d be lunch for whatever that thing was.” 

“Peggy said it was a werecat. Haven’t you ever seen one before?” Angelica questioned, crossing her arms. “They’re very common in the Other Side.” 

“Well, that’s just it, I suppose,” Alexander told her, smiling slightly with a shrug. “I’ve never been in the Other Side before. I guess I’m just not used to it.” 

Hercules raised an eyebrow at Alexander, but not in a way that made him feel guilty, like Angelica’s entire presence did. “Are you saying you’re from the Dome, man?” 

Alexander picked at his lip. “Um.. yes? Is that a problem?” 

Angelica whispered something to Elizabeth, who shushed the taller woman. “No, it’s not a problem,” Elizabeth told him with a kind smile, though Alexander noted the very slight way Angelica pulled back. “It’s just that people from the Dome usually have problems with.. Well, with people from the Other Side.” 

“People like us,” Angelica piped up finally. “So I guess that means you’re on trial, aren’t you?” She asked, and to Alexander’s surprise, she smiled when he nodded. “Good luck.” 

Just then, Peggy cleared her throat and Alexander turned to meet eyes with the most beautiful person he’d ever seen.


	4. Chapter 4

He knew it was cliché, but the man who was pouting next to Peggy was the most gorgeous person he’d ever seen and he just knew it was a matter of time before the quickly developing crush he felt in his chest would overcome him and swallow him whole. 

The thought sent a stab of guilt through his chest. What was he thinking? What about Thomas? He was married, for heaven’s sake, and he was practically salivating over this stranger. This very freckled stranger with curly hair that looked softer than a cloud despite the dirt on his clothes, on his shirt that stretched tight over his chest-

Alexander shook his head and reached up to pull his hair instinctively. He wasn’t sure why he did it, but the pain seemed to ground him. He took a deep breath and smiled at Peggy and the stranger, the stranger which had to be John. “Hi, I’m-”

“Alexander. Yeah, I know.” John interrupted Alexander, looking at him with an indescribable look. Peggy nudged his ribs and he let out a sharp hiss, glaring at the short brunette, who just smiled innocently. “I’m John Laurens.” With another jab of Peggy’s elbow, he shoved his hand out, and Alexander shook it gently. 

“Um, right. Hi.” He smiled a little less brightly, a bit taken aback from being interrupted. Still. And he didn’t know how to feel about the look on John’s face. 

Neither of them said a word for the longest time, and Peggy sighed. “Wow, you two are riveting.” She got a scolding look from Lafayette, but she just smiled back. “I guess we can’t all be best friends, can we?” Her tone was sweet, but Alexander couldn’t help but notice some disappointment in her eyes. What had she been hoping for?

“Peg said you’re from the Dome,” John said a bit flatly, and Alexander suddenly felt a wave of embarrassment wash over him. If being from the Dome was such a bad thing around here, he didn’t want John to know. But evidently, it was too late for that. He nodded slightly. “Hm, I mean, it’s kind of evident. You’re  _ clean. _ Not that clean is a bad thing. But if you originally came from out here, you’d be covered in dirt. And mud. And dust. And blood.” 

John’s face took on a look of pride as Alexander couldn’t hold back a grimace. Blood? As in, someone else’s blood? Or his own? Honestly, neither option held much preference to Alexander. But the look on John’s face was a sort of infuriating and he felt the stubborn need to argue rise up in his throat. And he was never one to turn down a potential argument, no matter how baiting the other party was. “Well, yes, I’m from the Dome. I’m sorry I don’t live up to your standards, either, but I don’t think it will ever be my top priority to impress someone as-”  _ Gorgeous.  _ “-rude as you.”

The proud smirk fell immediately from John’s face, replaced by a look of pure shock as he registered Alexander’s words. Peggy was dead silent, her stare switching between them, and he could feel everyone holding their breath behind them. Finally, John laughed loudly and dragged a hand through his curls. Alexander froze. This was not at all the reaction he was anticipating. He was expecting anger, maybe disdain, but definitely not laughter. 

“Alexander, I like you a lot,” John declared finally, and there was a woosh of air behind him as everyone exhaled at once. Peggy grinned at them, looking like a proud mother.

“Thank you?” Alexander mumbled, more than a little bit confused at this turn of events. “I mean.. Yeah. Thanks. I guess.” He sighed and managed a smile. “But I feel like you just tricked me,” he added. 

John nodded solemnly, but there was still a hint of a smile on his lips. “I did, I totally did, and it was good.” 

“He always tricks new people. He has to decide if he likes them and if he doesn’t they’re usually gone within a week,” Hercules piped up behind Alexander, and John smiled proudly. 

“He’s brutal,” Angelica added, and John laughed. 

“I am not that bad, Angie, you’re just upset I sent Church running.” 

“I  _ liked  _ him!” 

“Him,” Peggy started with a teasing smirk. “Or his wallet?” 

“You guys are insufferable, he was not rich!” 

Elizabeth cleared her throat, silencing the three. “Okay, okay, we get it. Angelica is upset because John gave Church such a cold shoulder he couldn’t stay.” 

“Thank you, Liza,” Angelica huffed, crossing her arms. 

Before anyone could say anything - and it sure looked like there was something on the tip of John’s tongue - Elizabeth’s calm smile took on a devilish twist. “Despite Angelica’s best gold-digger attempts.” 

The flurry of noise sent Alexander’s head rushing in the best way. Angelica was yelling with a pouty look on her face, John was moving to hug Elizabeth, who was laughing in delight along with Lafayette, Hercules was yelling back at Angelica with the hugest grin, and Peggy was gasping for breath, now leaning on Alexander. 

It felt weirdly familiar and so, so heartwarming. He didn’t even know them for an hour and he felt together with them, like they were all family. He felt a part of this. He was laughing along with them, gripping Peggy to his side, feeling breathless and weightless. They finally calmed down a little later, and they sat around the unlit campfire, all still talking. Alexander settled for listening, letting them fill his head with stories and tales, some only fiction, stuff they’d read in books, others real life anecdotes, usually harping on each other. 

They talked until Washington emerged, and he seemed surprised that John was still out of the tent, leaning against Angelica, smiling and laughing and talking right along everyone else. Only Alexander seemed to catch his momentary look of shock, and if anyone else did, they hid it very well.

“George!” Peggy squealed when she saw Washington. “Come join us, we’re telling Alex about how Laffy once-” The girl was cut off by the frenchman’s hand on her mouth, and she let out a loud, muffled protest, reaching up to pinch his wrist until he let go. Alexander watched this with silent curiosity. The entire time they talked, he’d been watching, stealing glances at the two and Hercules, how they all sat close, always touching and smiling at each other. It confused Alexander, but they were happy, Hercule’s arm tight around Lafayette’s waist, Peggy squeezed in between them with her hands holding theirs except for when one of them needed their hands to animate a story. 

“Le Général does not need to be reminded, ma chère,” Lafayette muttered, and Peggy was obviously delighted to see a faint blush on his cheeks. “In fact, no one here does need to be reminded of that at all.”

“But it’s my favorite story!” Peggy insisted, but to no avail. Hercules was watching the two of them with the most adoring look in his eyes that Alexander thought he might just melt. It was the kind of look he always gave Thomas whenever he went on a long tangent about home decor or fancy cuisine or really just about anything. 

Alexander was dragged out of his thoughts by John, nudging Alexander’s shoe with his own, smiling a little. Elizabeth was looking at him expectantly, like she’d just asked him a question. In fact, everyone was looking at him, even Washington, who wasn’t sitting on the ground like everyone else, but rather on one of the benches that they were all leaning up against. 

His cheeks flushed and he shifted, smiling sheepishly at everyone around him. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. What did you say?”

“I asked you what your life was like in the Dome,” Elizabeth told him, her voice kind and not at all judging.

“Oh,” Alexander said softly. That was an easy question. Life was good in the dome. A nice house, good food, the most amazing husband he could ever ask for. Except it wasn’t good, was it? No, if he thought about it, it really wasn’t. They were manipulated, lied to and tricked. But he didn’t really want to get into that. He wasn’t going to be the one responsible for bringing the mood down. “Well, it wasn’t bad, all things considered. If you don’t mind drugging yourself every morning, you know?” He shook his head. “I was happy. Happy enough with my husband.” 

Just about everyone’s eyes brightened, and Peggy leaned forward slightly. “What was his name?” She demanded, and for once neither of her partners shushed her bluntness. It seemed everyone wanted details about this, everyone wanted to know about Alexander’s husband that he’d apparently left behind.

His cheeks darkened and he smiled fondly as he thought back to Thomas, tilting his head. “His name was - well, is - Thomas. My Thomas.” He closed his eyes. “He was my perfect other half. Still is, except I’m probably never going to see him again.” He let out a little dry, sarcastic laugh. “He was so sweet all the time, so willing to take care of me and make sure I was the happiest I could be. He was upset when I came off the Drug, but he sort of understood, I think. I hope. I just couldn’t stay on it.” He opened his eyes and looked around, at everyone staring at him. The trio across from him were all holding hands tightly, as if terrified at the very thought of having to leave one of them behind. Angelica was looking at him sympathetically, but there wasn’t much pity. Elizabeth was smiling sadly, and Washington was looking at him with an interested, sharp look. 

He looked at John and frowned. The freckled boy wasn’t even looking at him. He shifted a bit and cleared his throat, wondering why John wasn’t looking at him. Everybody else was, or hadn’t he noticed? “Anyway..” He glanced around again. “Yeah. Thomas was great, and I really loved him. I still do, I love him. I adore him. But I guess I have to move on now, because he was adamant on staying in the Dome, wouldn’t even talk about coming with me. And he might be one of the only people more stubborn than myself.” 

“You two sound perfect for each other,” Elizabeth offered softly, smiling gently at Alexander. 

“We were. He was my best friend.” Alexander didn’t realize he was crying until Angelica handed him a tissue, gently wrapping her arm around him. The action made him smile despite everything and he leaned into her. She was comforting now instead of intimidating. “I’m sorry. I always cry.” He laughed a little, trying to diffuse the sorry mood, and wiped his face, letting Angelica hug him. John, on his other side a couple feet away, still wouldn’t look at him, which in a way made Alexander more upset. So what if he just wanted the cutest boy to look at him? 

And so what if John didn’t?

The thought came out of nowhere, startling Alexander. His brain was right, and he knew it. So what if John didn’t want to look at him? So what? He wouldn’t die without it. He was still married, for heaven’s sake. He looked down at the band around his finger, a peculiar feeling of doubt filling his chest, making to suffocate him. He was never going to see Thomas again, so what did he need the ring for? He moved as if to take the ring off, but he stopped short, fingers brushing over the piece of jewelry. He was faintly aware of people talking again, but he wasn’t listening, just staring at the ring.

It felt very wrong to take it off now, morally wrong. It didn’t make sense, but he couldn’t take off the damn ring now, he felt too guilty. Like he was giving up on Thomas entirely. And he wouldn’t do that. He would never, ever give up on Thomas. Not ever, and certainly not now. He dropped his hands back into his lap and took a deep breath, actively not looking at John, focusing now on Elizabeth and Angelica, who were both telling a story together of Peggy when she was young - they were all sisters, Alexander had learned - to get back at the youngest brunette for embarrassing Lafayette, much to the man’s delight. The youngest sister was blushing and protesting, trying to explain herself over everyone’s laughter, but no matter how loud she could get her voice, no one would listen, leaving her to pout into Hercules’s arm while he pet her hair.

The small motion of Hercules’s hand brushing over her head, his fingers combing gently through her hair, made Alexander smile. They were sweet. It was the kind of love that he and Thomas had had themselves, needing each other to be close, touching each other as much as possible, loving each other with every bone in their body until they felt like if they lost one another they’d simply curl up and die. Hercules, Peggy and Lafayette’s love was a clear image of his own love, but somehow twisted and so different. A love like that was too dangerous in a world this dangerous, he realized, but the way the three of them smiled, laughing and clinging to each other, the way they all bantered, the way they would so naturally just tuck themselves against one another made Alexander also realize that not having that sort of love might be just as dangerous. They would give each other true reason to survive through this.

And that made Alexander think, too. He didn’t have that sort of love anymore, did he? He gave it up to get out. And yet in the small action of simply not being able to take off his wedding ring, it was proven to him that it wasn’t totally lost yet, that somehow their love wasn’t dead. But he wasn’t ever going to see Thomas again, wasn’t he? 

_ But maybe you will. _

Alexander couldn’t help but smile just a little bit. If he could hold onto just that little bit of hope that promised to him that he’d see Thomas again in his lifetime, then he was certain he could take anything this nightmare threw at him and he’d definitely, 100% survive it. 


	5. Chapter 5

It had been a week and Alexander thought, personally, that he was integrating quite nicely in the mix of the group. He was allowed to go out on runs with them, either to hunt for food to eat, or to search for more people like himself, or to loot abandoned places for any supplies might have been left behind.

He loved them all equally. Elizabeth was so nice to him, and she was sweet and easy to talk to. Angelica was a surprisingly good shoulder to cry on whenever he wanted or needed to be sad, especially about Thomas. Peggy was always fun, and she meshed well with Alexander. They got along like two peas in a pod, plotting against anyone in the group, pranking everyone including Washington. The group leader hadn’t shown his face too much, but he was used to Alexander, even started treating him more like a son like he did to Lafayette. The frenchman and Hercules were both like brothers as well. 

As for John.. well, okay, maybe he lied a little. He didn’t love them  _ all  _ equally. John, he had to admit, got a little more love, just a little. It wasn’t like Alexander could help it, either. It wasn’t his fault John’s hair was so fluffy and just looked so soft, even mixed with dirt and leaves, or that his eyes were such a pretty, bright green, or that his freckles looked like stars and every time Alexander looked at him, he wanted to grab a marker and trace all the constellations he could find on his cheeks.

And was it his fault John still wouldn’t look at him? Ever since he told them about Thomas, the only things that ever came out of his mouth in Alexander’s direction were “morning”, “night” and if he was lucky, what they were having for breakfast. Other than that, complete radio silence. He was like a moody teenager. 

It shouldn’t have bothered Alexander so much, either. So what if John didn’t want to talk to him? Didn’t want to look at him? It wasn’t like he  _ liked  _ him. 

It took Alexander two seconds to decide he couldn’t do that. He wasn’t terrible at hiding things, but his attraction was one thing he couldn’t hide from anyone, not even himself. Not even Thomas. He couldn’t lie about his feelings, and there were definitely feelings for John. He hoped it wasn’t apparent, but he knew there was little hope in that as well. He just wasn’t good at keeping his crushes to himself.

He’d gone out twice, once with Angelica and Lafayette, and then again with Peggy and John. The first trip had been very serious. Angie and Lafayette were both quiet, skillful hunters and being out with them was without a doubt the most weird, stressful experiences he’d been in, ever. John and Peggy, on the other hand, were the complete opposite. They were skillful, but quiet? Maybe if you were deaf. They were fun though, jabbing at each other, making dumb jokes. They even played hide-and-seek in the department store they were exploring. Alexander had fun with them, and John even temporarily forgot about his decision to hate Alexander. But as soon as they got back to the camp, he went silence again and didn’t acknowledge Alexander in any way. It was infuriating, but Alexander wasn’t going to force him to speak. If John wanted to be difficult, then he could be difficult.

There was no word from Washington about his trial, either. He didn’t know when it was supposed to end, but he guessed it would be soon. He still wasn’t allowed to know their ultimate plans, but at least he was sort of included in their agenda. It wasn’t like he was outside looking in. He just wasn’t in the main room. The room where it happened. He was mostly fine with it, he’d say if he was asked, and he wouldn’t be lying, either. He was okay with being left out of some things. The reasoning was fair, anyway. He understood  _ why _ he was left out. He was just getting a little impatient not knowing how long it would last, that’s all.

One of his favorite places to spend time during the day was not in the camp, but a little outside the camp. There was a little clearing on one of the huge rock cuts overlooking the camp, one that was surprisingly easy to access with a little path through the trees. You just had to climb through a couple bushes. It was sort of secret but not really, and it was perfect. It was right in the sun if you sat there during the right time of day, but there were enough bushes and trees if you wanted shade. It was maybe big enough for three people if they squished, which was the perfect size for Alexander to take a blanket up there and read or write. Angelica had an impressive collection of books, and although some of them were torn or bent or stained with dirt and water, they were all readable. 

He was lying up there one afternoon, not reading this time but instead just lying there, warm and comfortable in the sun. It wasn’t too hot, and there was the occasional breeze that would blow past. Perfect weather. He was napping on and off, listening to the sounds of the campground below him, happy to laze around. He would feel guilty not helping with anything if there was something to do in the first place, but everything had been done.

He was watching a small bug make its way across the rock when there was a rustle in the bush behind him. He turned, frowning a little, his heart rate picking up. He didn’t know if there’d be anything dangerous this close to their camp, but he wasn’t willing to bet anything on it. And of course he didn’t bring anything to defend himself, not even a book.

His fears died down when there was a loud cry of “oh shit” and John came stumbling out of the bush like he was drunk. Alexander sat up, raising an eyebrow at the sight.

“What are you doing up here?” He asked John.

“I could ask you the same thing,” John murmured, plopping down beside Alexander on the ledge. “Peggy’s chasing me and she already knows all my other hiding spots. Didn’t know this existed though, what is this?” 

Alexander shrugged. “I just found it one day and I come up here all the time. I’m surprised no one knew about it,” he added. 

They sat in silence for a comfortable bout of time, just enjoying the sunshine and the silence. After a while, Alexander noticed John glancing at him out of the corner of his eyes, and his curiosity peaked. It was a little while later than John sighed and Alexander looked over, about to ask what was up when John started speaking.

“I’ve been such a dick,” John said simply, shaking his head. Alexander frowned, asked him what he meant. He’d hardly gotten the last of the sentence out before John was talking again. “I’ve been totally ignoring you all week and why?” Instead of answering himself, he just scoffed, much to Alexander’s confusion. It was a minute before he continued in a softer voice. “I’ve been ignoring you because you’re really fucking cute.” 

Alexander’s cheeks heated up. “Really?” 

“Yes, really. You’re really cute and I’m pretty sure I like you but you have a husband,” John said, his voice getting quieter as he went on. 

“I had a husband,” Alexander corrected him softly. “I mean… I don’t know. I don’t think I’m ever going to see him again, so maybe I don’t have a husband anymore,” he continued slowly. He’d thought about it, of course, and he knew this fact for sure, but it still hurt to say it out loud. 

Without a word, John shifted closer and wrapped an arm around Alexander, which the shorter male gladly leaned into. “I’m sorry you had to leave him. And I’m sorry I haven’t made it any easier for you,” he murmured, leaning into Alexander just as much as Alexander was leaning into him. They sat like that for a while, just silent and enjoying each other’s company now that they could. 

“So you tried to distance yourself from me because you thought I was cute but I was also sort of taken?” Alexander clarified after a while, shifting to tilt his head up to look at John, who nodded. Alexander couldn’t help but laugh a bit. “Huh. Well, I think you’re cute too.”

John blushed now. “Whatever. You’re cuter.”

“No way. You’re the cuter one of both of us.”

“Nuh-uh. You’re adorable. And I’m not going to listen to you anymore so you can’t argue.” John promptly turned, eyes closed, humming loudly.

Alexander laughed and nudged John’s side, trying to pull him back around. “Hey, hey! Listen, no, listen, John,” he tried between laughs. He gave an extra hard tug on John’s shirt and ended up on top of the man, laughing more. “You have to listen to me now. You’re cuter. That’s final.” He grinned, looking down at John, but he relaxed under his gaze, his breath catching slightly in his throat as the man reached up to tuck a bit of hair behind Alexander’s ear. The mood changed faster than lightening, and Alexander couldn’t find it in him to complain. 

They were quiet again for a while, just looking up at each other, still and silent. Everything was quiet, even the camp, but the camp was the last thing on either of their minds. 

“Can I kiss you?” John whispered finally, sitting up just slightly, and Alexander thought that he might just explode as he nodded, letting John pull his face close and kiss him gently.

It wasn’t like kissing Thomas, that was the first thing he thought as he kissed back. Kissing Thomas was fireworks and sparks and everything cliché and cute and perfect like in books. Kissing John, on the other hand, was nothing like that. There were no sparks or fireworks or butterflies. There was just a heavy, settling feeling of right as he kissed John, something settling deep in his bones that made him feel like this, this was exactly where he had to be for the rest of his life. 


	6. Chapter 6

It had been a couple days since Peggy found Alexander and John kissing on the rock. It had only been three kisses after their first when they were interrupted by a gleeful Peggy, who was at once proud of finding John, finally, after searching practically  _ everywhere _ and happy beyond belief that the two were actually kissing. She announced, rather proudly, that she knew they were going to get together all along.

John and Alexander spent most of their time together. Alexander had even switched tents and started sleeping with John in his, cuddling under the thin blankets. Peggy was over the moon, and Elizabeth congratulated them about five times. Even Washington seemed happier now that John wasn’t being as moody as usual.

Right now, he, Lafayette and John were all out a couple miles from the camp, working on Alexander’s fighting skills. They were nothing to brag about, but he was at least able to hold his own in a fight against John, which was impressive to himself. John was a good fighter. He couldn’t beat Lafayette, but no one could beat Lafayette except for Washington and Peggy (she cheated, but no one ever said anything and that’s how it would stay). 

They were trying to work on Alexander’s aim with a crossbow, but John kept distracting him, wrapping his arms around the smaller man and fixing his stance, mostly just to piss off Lafayette when they stopped paying attention to kiss each other. 

“You two are insufferable,” the frenchman told them when they pulled apart, breathless and laughing at the annoyed look on their friend’s face.

“Thank you,” John said sweetly, not moving away from Alexander, just resting his cheek on his lover’s head. Or is boyfriend’s?

And thus brings the issue to the table. What were they? Alexander had no clue and at this point, he was too afraid to ask. He didn’t know if they were boyfriends or what. They hadn’t fucked yet, something that made Alexander nervous, honestly. It wasn’t as though he’d never done it - no, he and Thomas had done that many times. But he didn’t know if John would even want him that way. Not that it was very important to Alexander in a relationship, but it was tearing at his brain and it wasn’t like he could just ask.

Alexander came back to by an annoyed Frenchman nudging his ribs, and John laughing in his ear. His cheeks warmed and he smiled sheepishly. “Sorry, what did you say? I wasn’t listening.”

“Evidently,” Lafayette huffed, shaking his head. “I said, shoot the damn target and we can go home,” he repeated impatiently. “If you weren’t so busy staring at John like you’d like him to pin you against that tree, maybe you’d have heard me.” 

Alexander’s cheeks warmed further and he swung a weak fist at Lafayette, scowling. “Shut up,” he mumbled, chancing a glance at John. He was looking back at Alexander thoughtfully, still grinning though. He might as well be a tomato by this point. He raised the weapon and aimed, thankfully actually hitting one of the outer rings after a couple tries. John cheered and rewarded him with a kiss as Lafayette went to retrieve the arrows from the target.

Was it him, or was the kiss a little more passionate than usual? Was it wishful thinking, or did John’s hands trail a little further down than his waist? Either way, they had to break apart eventually, and Lafayette cleared his throat. 

“Come on, you whores,” he scolded, getting a blush and a loud laugh from Alexander and John respectively. “It’s almost supper.”

John pulled away from Alexander, but kept an arm around his hips, keeping the smaller male pressed to his side. “Lead the way then,” he said casually, grinning up at the frenchman, who rolled his eyes, but turned and started walking back to the camp. 

They made it back just as Elizabeth was handing out plates to the rest of the campers. They were greeted warmly and John finally pulled away from Alexander to skip forward for food. Alexander took his time, went to go put the bow away, lost in thought. Thinking about John, of course. He didn’t know what he was going to do about that. John wanted it, right? And he did, of course he did… but he wasn’t sure. And his husband… Thomas. It was Thomas, wasn’t it?

Horror fell upon Alexander as he realized he couldn’t remember Thomas as well as he should’ve been able to. He could hardly remember what color his eyes were, and it made him feel sick with worry. What was happening? Why couldn’t he remember his husband, the love of his life? 

“Alex?” 

He whipped around and came face to face with Elizabeth, who was looking at him with concern. “Wh-what?” He demanded, and winced. “Sorry, I didn’t mean - sorry.” 

Elizabeth shook her head, unbothered by his tone of voice. “Are you alright? You’ve been in here for some time now, sweetie,” she said softly, coming closer to him. 

Alexander sigh and slid down against the table in the tent until he was curled up on the ground, shaking his head. “I don’t know. Everything was alright, but now I really don’t know,” he admitted quietly, covering his face.

She sat down next to him, her arm sliding around his shoulders to pull him into a sort of one-sided hug. His cheek pressed against the collar of her shirt and he sighed. “What’s wrong, honey?” she asked softly, brushing through his hair softly, which he relaxed into immediately.

He took a couple deep breaths before replying. “I think I’m starting to forget Thomas,” he started slowly, and waited for a reaction, which he didn’t get, before continuing. “I can’t remember any details, I almost forgot his name,” he whispered like it was some shameful thing. “I’m afraid that I’m going to forget him completely. I mean, I know - I’m happy with John, I really am, but I love Thomas. I adore him. I don’t want to forget him.”

Elizabeth didn’t say anything for a while, but her hand never stopped moving in Alexander’s hair. When she finally spoke, he felt the vibrations against his cheek. “I don’t think I can tell you in utmost confidence that you aren’t going to forget him at all,” she said slowly, and Alexander took a breath to deal with that. “I think it has something to do with the Drug,” she continued after a minute.

He pulled back to look at her, frowning a little. “What do you mean?”

“I mean that… did you love Thomas before you started on the Drug?” She asked gently, and he shook his head. “So, I think your love is at least partially influenced by the Drug. Maybe not completely, but because you’re no longer affected by it, you’re starting to forget details about life while you  _ were  _ on it or around it. Do you remember what color your house was?”

It took Alexander a long moment, but he shook his head slowly. “Absolutely no clue. Maybe beige?” He guessed. 

Elizabeth shook her head. “It doesn’t really matter, but see, that’s what I mean. You can’t remember something as basic as the color of your house. So it's not just Thomas. It’s life on the Drug as a whole.” 

Alexander was still mulling this over, his cheek against her shoulder, her hand in her hair, when Peggy poked her head into the tent. “Whatever you two weirdos are doing in here, stop it. John’s getting worried about you.”

He laughed and pulled away from Elizabeth slowly, smiling gratefully at her as Peggy disappeared back outside. “Thank you, Liz. Like, really, thank you,” he murmured. 

“Of course, it’s no problem, Alex. Whenever you need to talk, I’m here for you.” She smiled and squeezed his hand gently before pulling herself up. “Now, come on, let's get back out there so John doesn’t burn down the entire camp to find you.” 

Alexander laughed and together, they left the tent. He got his plate of food from Angelica, who had been guarding it from Peggy, and went to sit beside John, who wrapped his arm around his love’s waist. “How are you doing?” He murmured as Alexander took a bite. 

Alexander chewed and swallowed, humming appreciatively of the taste, before pressing a little kiss to John’s jaw. “I’m perfect,” he whispered, smiling a little. “Happy that I have you,” he added. And he was, so overjoyed that he had a group of friends that really, actually cared for him, and a boyfriend who would do just about anything for him.

Later, when everyone was in their tents, traps were set and lights were off, John finally asked what Alexander and Eliza had been talking about. 

Alexander shifted against John’s chest, sighing. “I’m forgetting my old life. I mean, my Drugged life,” he whispered, looking up at the freckled man holding him. “I can hardly remember Thomas, and that scares me so much. What if I forget him entirely?” 

Although John wasn’t particularly fond of Thomas, he knew how much Alexander loved the man, and so he did his best. “I’m sorry, baby. I couldn’t imagine how you feel.” 

“I promised I wouldn’t forget him, and now I’m breaking that promise and I hate it!”

After a while of soft reassurances, John got an idea. “What if you draw him? Or I could, if you wanted. And write down everything you can remember about him, and that way you’ll always have him, at least a little,” he suggested, and Alexander perked up, nodding, reaching for his flashlight.

“We have to do it now before I forget absolutely everything about him,” he ordered, reaching for John’s art bag to hand it to him. 

John laughed and smiled, ripping a page for Alexander to write on while he got to work sharpening his pencils just a little. Alexander scribbled until the page was half full, and then sat with his eyes squeezed tightly closed, lip between his teeth. 

After another two hours or so, they had about three quarters of a page and a good sketch of Thomas. John promised he would color or paint it for Alexander, but it was too early in the morning, he felt he could collapse. Alexander almost tackled John in a hug, kissing him hard, thanking him softly, the words muffled against John’s own mouth. Pretty soon they relaxed into each other, the kisses becoming slow and lazy as they slowly zoned out in exhaustion. They fell asleep like that, cuddled into each other, faces an inch apart. 


	7. Chapter 7

The sketch of Thomas became a permanent decoration in Alexander and John’s tent. It hadn’t been colored yet, but it worked well enough to keep his husband in his mind. He would stare at it late at night, dark save for one small candle, not wanting to wake John up. He also had an ongoing list of everything he knew and remembered about Thomas, be it the way his eyes shone in the light from the artificial stars in the Dome, or the careful way he treated Alexander, or how he was so meticulous about keeping their house clean. Whenever he remembered something, he’d hurry to write it down, desperate to get it down before he forgot it forever. 

He hated the way it felt like he hadn’t seen Thomas in years… or that he didn’t know him at all, only researching and obsessing over the man like he was a celebrity, some famous person. It tended to bring his mood down, but the campers, his friends, made sure to keep him happy especially during the day, talking to him and offering to take him on runs. Lafayette even took pity and let him win during a spar - something Alexander knew was a big sacrifice. The frenchman took great pride in being unbeatable. 

During the night, John would cuddle him and kiss him to sleep, wanting his small boyfriend to always be comfortable and happy in the circumstances. He didn’t miss the way Alexander would zone out, staring up at the sketch he’d made, looking lost and unrecognizing. It would never last too long, and Alexander would look immensely guilty when he snapped out of it, but he never said a thing. No one said a thing about Thomas, ever. 

Alexander, for the most part, was mostly happy and cheerful. There were always times he’d get lost in thought, or burst out in tears, but they were few and far between lately. He was an asset to the group, and fit right in. Nothing else was wrong, save for Thomas’s lingering absence in Alexander’s brain - but it didn’t quite concern anyone else. 

Currently, he was lounging on one of the picnic tables, stretched out while he waited for John to come back from a hunt, eyes closed. He was so bored, but he didn’t have any books left to read and everyone else was busy doing their own thing, so he didn’t bother anyone. He thought about his boyfriend, content to picture him. All his freckles, his messy, wild curls, his hands. Alexander was flat out obsessed with John’s hands. They were big and strong and he couldn’t help but imagine..

Alexander’s cheeks went red as he shook his head. They still hadn’t been intimate in that way and he loathed asking after John about it. He had a pretty good idea of what his boyfriend wanted, and he wanted it to, he really did, but he couldn’t just ask. How would that go? _Man, lunch is good today, Liza, good job. By the way, John, are you planning to pound me into our mattress anytime soon?_

Obviously, he wasn’t going to bring it up in the middle of a meal, but it wouldn’t make it any less awkward. Especially if John refused. It was a very low chance he’d say no, but it wasn’t a risk he was willing to take. That was something that could potentially ruin a relationship.

Still, he wanted it. So bad. He often found himself imagining it, lost in thought. They nearly got there, but something always seemed to interrupt them, be it dinner, or Peggy wanting to go out, or a scorpion on the ground near their bed. Alexander treasured the moments before the interruptions, when John’s hands were on his hips in a bruising grip, tugging him close, pinning him down, kissing him hard. And John’s hands. Back to that very important topic. They were big, and masculine and strong. He could very easily picture them holding him down, or holding his thighs up, or tightened around his throat, or gripping his ass. 

He was snapped out of his daydreaming by his very boyfriend, kneeling in front of his face with a grin. “Are you alive, baby? What are you thinking so hard about?” 

Alexander’s cheeks flushed immediately and he sat up, looking down at John. “Um, nothing! Nothing important! I swear, it’s nothing.” He said nothing too many times to actually sound realistic, but at that point, he couldn’t care less. He wasn’t about to share his thoughts for any amount of pennies.

Thankfully, John didn’t pry, just stood and plopped onto the table next to Alexander. “Well, look what I found for you. We found a big department store - oh, it was wonderful, Lexi, so much stuff to look at, I’ll take you there, I promise you’ll love it - but there was a bookstore, and look!” He pulled something out of his canvas bag and held it proudly out to Alexander, who took it with a smile. 

It was a magazine, something political by the looks of the cover page. There was nothing really interesting about it, but it was something new to read, at least. He assumed thats why John grabbed it for him. He knew Alexander was dying of boredom. He smiled up at John and leaned into him, kissing his jaw. “Thanks.”

His boyfriend let out an impatient noise. “Alex, no, look. Look at the name on the headline.” He pointed and poked at the cover, drawing Alexander’s attention to the headline printed in dark blue. 

His blood ran cold.

It didn’t really matter what the headline said as a whole, but the name in the middle of it burned into Alexander’s mind, and what it meant that he hadn’t recognized it at all made him panic a little. Thomas Jefferson. He ran his fingertips over the letters, slumping slightly. He really was forgetting Thomas. His husband. The other love of his life. He felt like breaking down in tears, right there. How could he forget about Thomas? He wanted to cry, but he also felt like punching something. It wasn’t fair! He loved Thomas still, he knew he did, drug or no drug. He didn’t want to forget him. 

John rubbed Alexander’s back through all of this, frowning as he watched the emotions flit across his boyfriend’s face. He’d assumed he’d love it, hold it close as he thought about his husband, treasure the reminder. Not this. “Alex..? Are you okay?” 

Immediately his disposition changed. He sat up and smiled at John like nothing at all was wrong. “Thanks John. I love it. Let’s put it up beside the sketch, okay?” He leaned up again and kissed his boyfriend’s cheek before sliding off the table and disappearing into the tent, the magazine tight in his hands and his eyes back to looking sad and forlorn.

 

Alexander stayed in the tent all afternoon and well into evening. In fact, he didn’t come out until supper was completely over and they were all just sitting around their campfire, talking and laughing. John decided to leave him be, but Eliza had gone in, not to come out for another near half an hour. He was quiet when he came out and John almost hadn’t noticed him - he had been deep in thought about the very man. Alexander sat carefully right beside John, tucked himself against him, and leaned his head on his shoulder. 

No one said anything, Alexander included, so John kept quiet as well, just wrapped an arm around his boyfriend and stroked his hair gently. Peggy was the first to go to bed, dragging Hercules with her into the tent to cuddle. That left Eliza, Angelica, Lafayette, himself and John. Angelica was deep in conversation with Eliza while the younger sister tended to the fire. Lafayette was talking to John, but it was a quieter conversation, and John was a bit distracted by Alexander, who was still cuddling into John’s side.

It took a while before Alexander shifted and leaned up into John’s neck, asking him very softly if they could go to bed. John would happily do anything for his boyfriend and he nodded, squeezing his waist. Lafayette watched them carefully as they made their way to the tent, but he kept quiet, much to John’s relief. He wanted to talk to Alexander about what had made him so upset. He didn’t want him to be upset.

He didn’t say anything until they were changed and curled together under their blanket. Alexander’s head was tucked under John’s chin, the latter’s arms wrapped tightly around his boyfriend. He knew Alexander liked to be held - it made him feel safer. And he was happy to comply. It wasn’t long before he cleared his throat. 

“Um, Alex.. I know you probably don’t want to talk about it, but I’m kinda worried..” He was staring at the magazine cover as they spoke - it was pinned to the side of the tent right above Alexander’s head. “You seemed sad when I gave you the magazine cover,” he continued slowly, feeling his boyfriend shift in his arms, but neither of them pulled away. “I just… I don’t like to see you sad.” 

It wasn’t much of a question, but Alexander, thankfully, understood. “I really appreciate that you found it and brought it back for me,” he started, needing John to know for sure he wasn’t upset he got the gift in the first place. “It’s just… I didn’t recognize his name.”

The significance of what he said hit John hard. Alexander was forgetting his husband more and more the longer he was off the drug, and soon he wouldn’t remember him at all. They could hold it off for a little longer, but Alexander was quickly losing his memories and the only way to make him remember was to put him back on the drug. 

“I just hate that I can’t remember him, I can’t remember details about him. I don’t know what color his eyes are.” 

John kissed Alexander’s forehead, mumbling ‘brown’ softly against his hairline. He’d memorized everything there was to memorize about Thomas Jefferson, just for his boyfriend. “It’s alright that you don’t remember, Alex. I know it’s hard, but no one’s upset at you for it. There’s nothing to do about it, and I really.. I hate seeing you unhappy.”

Alexander looked up at John, eyes wet and shaking his head. “I’m not unhappy. I mean, it’s just - I’m - I love you, okay? I love you so much, John, I do. I’m not.. Not happy with you, and Eliza and Laf and Peggy and Angie, it’s just… I miss him, but I can’t remember why, or really… who. It’s hard, I wish.. I kind of wish I could just get it over with and forget him so I can be rid of this stupid hole in my heart.”   
John’s heart broke at how frustrated and _sad_ Alexander sounded, but he knew it was nothing compared to how Alexander must feel. “I’m sorry, Lexi, I just… I…” he shook his head. He had nothing to say to him, he didn’t know how to make him feel better. “I’m sorry.” 

Alexander took a moment to wipe his eyes and calm down. “I’m sorry too. I mean - no, don’t give me that look - I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to get upset, okay, I know you can’t do anything about it.” He shook his head a little and tucked himself closer to John. “Can you stay in camp tomorrow? Wanna stay with you.” 

John nodded quickly. “Of course I’ll stay with you, Alexi. I wasn’t planning on leaving tomorrow anyway.” He kissed along Alexander’s forehead. “Go to sleep though, I’ll be here when you wake up.”

Alexander nodded and shifted under the blanket, kissing at John’s neck. “I love you. Thank you for everything, I love you. Good night.” He closed his eyes, settled, and he was asleep within minutes, wiped out emotionally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi, I'm the worst. My laptop stopped working and I literally got swamped with schoolwork, but I managed to crank this out and I'm working on the next chapter too, I'm super sorry.


	8. Just an Update

hewwo lads. i have zero excuse for not updating except that school is kicking my butt (thats my fallback excuse) but seriously, i’ve had no time to write.

exams are in three weeks and im hoping to get a new laptop soon as well so i can get back into writing. I have a draft in my google drive that’s almost ready so i’ll see if i can’t work on that sometime this week but i can’t and won’t make any promises about when the chapter will be up.

 


	9. Chapter Eight

Within the week, Alexander had forgotten all about Thomas, only seeming to remember anything when he went into the tent and looked at the magazine or John’s sketch. No one said anything, lest they upset him even more, but they all knew. It meant he was a part of them completely now. There was no more Drug left in his system.

John and Alexander were happy together, beyond belief. There was no arguing that. Despite John’s slight guilt about Thomas, they were basically America’s Dream Couple. Or, they would be if America hadn’t been torn apart by a nuclear bomb. 

It wasn’t long before this perfect little dream life came crashing down around their feet.

Alexander and John were on a run with Lafayette and Angelica. It was only supposed to be John and Lafayette, but Alexander had begged to come, needing out of the camp for a while. John finally relented, but only if Angelica came as well. He was protective over Alexander especially because he didn’t exactly know what the danger was. He knew how to keep himself safe from the rabid animals and creatures roaming the Other Side, but the biggest danger was to keep out of view of the Makers and the Society, especially since they’d lost a member of the Community. Alexander didn’t understand it exactly - he knew it was dangerous but he didn’t know the extent they would go to to get the member back. To get  _ him _ back.

Angelica and Lafayette were arguably the strongest in the group, so John let Alexander come along only if the eldest Schuyler sister came as well. So there they were, the four of them wandering around empty streets in a strange, abandoned little town. They’d gone into a bookstore, and Alexander had found a thick book to keep him occupied with while Lafayette and Angelica scouted and scavenged. John was more focused on his boyfriend, determined to keep him as safe as possible from whatever might be waiting for them, be it person or creature.

Surprisingly, however, they hadn’t been attacked by anything since they walked into the town. Usually places like these were overrun with hungry animals, any sort of civilisation, in-use or not. But this place was like a ghost town. John found a container of hard candies and bounced back to Alexander, and together they sat in the bookstore, eating candies and reading until the two scavengers came back to get them, their stuffed duffel bags swung over their shoulders. 

Alexander brought his new book as they walked, chatting in soft tones with Lafayette ahead of John and Angelica. John tried to pay attention to both Angelica and Alexander, but soon his attention was drawn away from his boyfriend as Angelica told him what kind of stuff she and Lafayette had found in the other stores. That is, until Lafayette shouted. 

Their heads shot up to look at the two ahead of them. Lafayette had his crossbow out and was shooting up at the buildings, and immediately Angelica was doing the same, but whoever they were fighting against had them outnumbered. It was raining arrows, and John could barely see where they were coming from. While Lafayette and Angelica didn’t hesitate to pull out their weapons and fight bad, John was blinded by the attack, and momentarily forgot about Alexander, forgot about having to protect his boyfriend. When he came back to, it was with panic that he realized the shorter man was halfway across the street, obviously having made for shelter to avoid getting stabbed by the arrows. But he wasn’t fast enough and an arrow shot directly into the back of his shoulder.

John watched with horror as Alexander cried out and collapsed into the rubble at the base of a structure, body slumped into the rocks.

Instinctively, he moved to go get Alexander, make sure he was alright, carry him to safety - but there was a hand on his arm, pulling him back slightly. “We can’t,” Angelica said quietly, pulling him into a building across the street from Alex. John whipped around to look at her, eyes blazing angrily, but Angelica shook her head. “It’s dangerous. If you go back out there, you’ll get shot too,” she explained, and John yanked his arm from her grip.

“So we’re just going to ditch him? Seriously? Come on, he’s a part of us now, he’s our friend. We can’t just leave him there!” Neither of them answered, just averted their eyes from him, guilty. John couldn’t believe it. “Really? I thought we had each other’s backs.” He shook his head and grabbed Lafayette’s crossbow, the frenchman barely protesting the snatch. “If you’re not going to get him, I will.”

In a huff about the betrayal to their newest addition, John turned back to the road, peeking out the glass door of the store they’d dragged him into. The rain of arrows had stopped, which would make his task of grabbing Alexander much easier, except - except Alexander wasn’t there anymore. 

John frowned a little, eyes darting all over the road. Maybe they were farther down the road than he’d realized… but no. There were no signs of life outside their little hideaway. Alexander’s body was gone and nowhere in sight. Panic rose in his chest once again. He closed his eyes and opened them again, looking around the road. He stepped out despite Angelica’s soft warning, but no arrows came. Nothing came. He called Alexander’s name; nothing. 

Alexander was gone.

 

“How is he?” 

Eliza peeked into Washington’s tent, where John was curled up in the corner chair, hugging Alexander’s pillow. He seemed shell-shocked, staring at the side of the tent.

Washington sighed softly, shaking his head in response. “He’s not good. Isn’t responding to anything. I think he’s definitely in shock,” he said softly, glancing at the woman beside him as she sighed softly, pushing the tent closed again. 

“Angie and Laf suspect it was the Society taking him back,” she said quietly, looking up at their leader. “And really… who else would be so determined to take him? Any other Outsiders probably have our same views and wouldn’t attack so quickly,” she added, brows furrowed as she thought. George nodded in agreement, leading Eliza away from the tent. They joined the rest of the group and sat, all solemn. 

“What are we supposed to do now?” Peggy asked after a long silence, glancing around the group. No one replied. No one had a clue. Obviously, they had to do something. They had to get Alexander back somehow or John might die of heartbreak alone. No one wanted to say it though. They knew it was practically a suicide mission. Getting  _ into  _ the dome would be hard enough, but finding Alex and getting him back out? That would be virtually impossible. Besides, who was to say he would want to come back? There was John, but there was also his husband. They were probably back together again. 

Finally, Eliza cleared her throat. Someone had to say it. “We can’t just… leave and forget about it. We all know that.” She looked around the group. “But… we have to do something. At least for John’s sake.” 

Lafayette was the  next to speak, nodding. “Yes, you’re right. But what are we going to do? We know the Society must have been desperate, to come all the way out here to track and take Alexander back. For some reason, they needed him.”

“Or they were scared he would do something. If he remembered, he could, theoretically, take them down,” Hercules pointed out, leaning forward slightly on his elbows.

Angelica cut in, snickering softly despite the rather morbid topic. “Hercules, this isn’t a young adult fiction story. This is real life.” After a minute, she sobered up. “We have to try something, though. So, what do we do?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> listen. I know it's bad.


	10. Chapter Nine

###  Chapter 9

Thomas was happy. He really was. He had his Alexander back. But it wasn’t the same. He knew it was never, ever going to be the same. For several reasons. 

First, he’d stopped taking the Drug. He knew he probably shouldn’t have, but after the battle he had with himself after Alexander left, he didn’t really give himself a choice. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t feel sad about his husband until the Drug’s effects had worn off. He knew Alex had been right and he hadn’t taken a single dose since he left.

Second, Alexander was back on the Drug. After the Society “saved” him from the dangerous Outside, they put him back on the Drugs, and of course, being a good Citizen, he had no qualms about it. 

Thomas didn’t know what to do. He could always force Alexander to not take the medicine, but he couldn’t risk their safety again. He just couldn’t. He knew the camera at the front of the house had been removed, but he knew they couldn’t be careless. He had to take care of his husband. Even though it was an artificial marriage, and it started out as artificial love, even off the Drug, he felt an overwhelming sense of adoration and admiration for the man he slept beside. He knew then that it had to be real. He really, truly did love Alexander. 

So now, he didn’t know what he was supposed to do. They had two options, the way he saw it. One, they could stay inside the Dome, and continue living the lie, together but safe as long as they didn’t blow it. In that situation, Thomas knew he would have to either get Alexander off the drug or get back on it, but his morality made him hesitate. He knew the Makers were up to something with this. Second option, they left. Somehow. The Makers had heightened security after what they claimed was simply a fault noticed in the code, but Thomas knew it was because of Alexander’s escape. It would take a lot more to get out this time, but it really was the only thing they could do. Then they could be together. Happy, together.

At the current moment, Thomas was sitting in the dining room with a mug of coffee, staring at the clock above the window. It would be time to wake up soon. Then there’d be another day to survive the happy, druggy smile of his husband and coworkers. He didn’t know how much more he could take. He needed to get out. 

Once the fake birds started fake tweeting outside, Thomas got up to grab two bowls and the cereal. He always made breakfast for Alexander since he got back. He filled the bowls with the cereal and milk, and had just put the spoons in the bowls when a pair of arms wrapped around his stomach and the soft, fruity scent of his husband filled his nose. Right on time. He smiled softly and turned to look down at Alexander, who was resting his cheek on Thomas’s chest. 

“Good morning, baby,” he said softly, lifting a hand to pet Alexander’s soft hair, relaxing against him. “Did you sleep well?”

A small nod against his shirt, and then Alex was pulling away to stretch. He reached around his husband to pick up one of the bowls, making a quiet noise that warmed Thomas’s heart. He watched him eat for a second before reaching for the other bowl, but before he could take his own bite, the doorbell was ringing. The two men shared a glance. This wasn’t part of the schedule. 

“Keep eating, honey,” Thomas said softly, putting the bowl back down. “I’ll answer it.” He pulled a chair out so Alex could sit down before going to the foyer to unlock and open the door. Yes, he hesitated a little, expecting the Makers, or at least a soldier. Definitely not expecting their little neighbor, Sarah Mulligan, holding a basket and smiling wide at the man in front of her.

Before Thomas could even open his mouth, she was talking. “Good morning! Can I come in? I brought you flowers and some homemade jams!” She stepped in without invitation and closed the door, locking it again, taking Thomas’s arm. “Where’s your husband? Oh, I hear him. Breakfast!” Her cheeriness was overwhelming, and Thomas still couldn’t get a word in. They were in the dining room now, and Alexander was smiling just as bright as Sarah. “I’m terribly sorry for intruding on your breakfast - the most important meal of the day, I know - but I wanted to give you these before you two went off to work!”

She handed Alexander two neatly packaged jars of jam and a bouquet of flowers that rivaled the happiness of her own voice. The man seemed overjoyed at the gifts and immediately brought them into the kitchen. As soon as he was gone, Sarah turned to Thomas, pressing something into his palm. “Here, this is for you! I thought you might really need it.” Her eyes suddenly turned serious even though her smile was still plastered on her lips. “It’s sincerely from me to you. Don’t be afraid to use it.” She pulled away and cleared her throat, grabbing her basket, brushing dirt off her gingham skirt. “Well, I better be going! I have more jams to hand out! Bye, you lovebirds!” 

She was gone with a swish of skirts and a laugh, and then their house was quiet. It smelled strongly of the lilacs she’d brought them, however, which Alexander had put into a vase on the dining room table. “That was such a nice visit!” Alex smiled up at Thomas. “She brought apple jam, and raspberry. How yummy! What did she give you?” 

Thomas looked down at his hand and opened it, blinking at the card laying in his palm. He recognized it, of course. It was a key to get out of the dome. He had no clue  _ how  _ Sarah had one, never mind why she gave it to him. Unless… did she know he was planning to leave? But how would she know unless she was off the Drug too? But why would she be off the Drug? She had no reason not to take it. It confused Thomas. Was this a set up? Would using this get them caught by the Makers? He couldn’t imagine sweet Sarah Mulligan working with the enemy, but nothing about this made any sense. He was exhausting options. 

Alexander clearing his throat brought him back to reality, and he looked up at his husband, trying to come up with a good lie to tell him. “Um… it’s nothing. It’s actually a packet of seedlings to start our own garden.” Before Alex could call him on it, he shoved the card into his pocket and took his husband’s hand, kissing his cheek. “Did you finish your breakfast? Don’t wanna be late for work,” he said quickly, pushing Alex back to the dining room with a gentle hand. His husband swore softly and nodding, rushing over to finish his breakfast, forgetting completely about the suspicious object Sarah gifted Thomas. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm hopefully going to be getting a new laptop this week so I will h o p e f u l l y be uploading so much more!


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